A Tribute to 24.

So as you may or may not know, Fox confirmed what I’ve been thinking for the past few months:  this season of 24 will be the last.  While a movie has been greenlit and is currently in the works, at least via television, Jack Bauer’s reign of stopping terrorist from harming American lives is coming to a close.

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Stop the Presses!

There’s no way Ricky Martin is gay. No way. I refuse to believe it. I mean, the guy is basically the epitome of machismo. Just look at him!

Gays don’t like motorcycles, that’s a commonly known fact.  Also, if he’s gay, then why is he hanging out at the beach with his male friend, hmm?  They’re obviously scoping out the hot chicks and nothing else.  They’re babe watching and definitely not being gay at the same time.  Just look for god’s sake!

Someone is making him say these things.  He’s probably being blackmailed.  I mean, the next thing you’re gonna tell me is Lance Bass or Clay Aiken or Elton John are gay.  Pssh.  C’mon, guys.  You’ve gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to pull on over on this guy.

I’m so shocked that I can’t even begin to explain my ridiculously high level of shock…ed…ness.  Yeah, shockedness.  So, in order to properly do so, here are some people who are almost as shocked as I am right now:

I don’t know what I’m going to do if it turns out Ricky Martin really is gay.  I mean, what am I going to do now if I want to live la vida loca?  If he really is gay, that phrase will automatically be stricken from the straight lexicon, and jump right into the gay one.  Along with words like “leather chaps”, “accessorize”, and “Twilight”, “livin’ la vida loca” will strictly be used by The Gays.  I mean, no one will ever be able to say they just wanna dance and live la vida loca again without their sexuality being questioned.  It’s a sad, sad day when you can’t just go hang out at the beach with your male friend and practice Greco-Roman wrestling while in speedos.

I think I’ll be ok as long as we never have a black President, and Sarah Palin never has a retarded child.

The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game.

So I already talked about how much I enjoyed the movie.  I was worried that I’d like the movie less because they left things out that the book touched on.  I was very impressed, however.

The book doesn’t focus solely on Michael Oher, and instead splits its time between Oher’s story and the evolution of the left tackle position in the NFL.  Michael Lewis talks about Bill Walsh, Bill Parcells, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Montana, Steve Young, and a bunch of offensive linemen who you’ve probably never heard of, but were more important than the aforementioned Hall of Famers.  I really enjoyed it from a history perspective, as it allows you to realize how important protecting the QB’s blind side has become in the NFL.  It also makes me really sad we didn’t draft Michael Oher, just to say we had him.  Plus, Walter Jones is about 2 seconds from retirement, and he’d be the perfect replacement.

For the most part, the movie stays pretty true to the book.  While it took some liberties — as most screenplays do — it still was basically the same story.  The only thing that jumps out in my mind was how little Sean Tuohy was in the movie, even though he played rather prominently in the novel.  Also understated was the amount of money the Tuohy’s have.  I figured they were rich, but the book paints a better picture of the amount of wealth.  It makes it even more absurd that the NCAA was accusing Michael of taking money from boosters, prompting Sean to say, “He [Michael] has more money than any Ole Miss booster.”

The book is a really good read, and I’d even recommend it to people who don’t really know about football.  It focuses less on the X’s and O’s and more on the importance of finding the right system for a player.  The author then relates it to life, saying if you don’t have the right surroundings or support system, your talents won’t matter.

I highly recommend this book to anyone with even a faint interest in sports, as Michael Lewis does a fine job telling this story.  He helps you understand things you once took for granted, and he intertwines the story of a boy and the story of a position evolving.  Short-story-long, Michael Lewis’ Blind Side was a fantastic book that I very much enjoyed reading.  You should do yourself a favor and read it, too.

9 out of 10.

What the hell?

First of all, what the hell, Yahoo?  Under “What’s Trending”, garnering more searches than Jennifer Love Hewitt and Dancing with the Stars is Auschwitz?  I guess that’s the fault of the Yahoo users, but jesus.  I guess it puts it in perspective when you realize Hillary Clinton is #2 on the list.

Also, yes, I used paint.  And no, Michael J. Fox did not draw that arrow.

Secondly, though, Chris Evans is the new Captain America?  What the hell?  Um, he already played a prominent role in another Marvel movie, the Fantastic Four.  But now he signs a nine picture deal to play Steve Rogers?  I guess.  At least they didn’t cast Jim from The Office.  That would have been about as bad as casting Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rid…oh, wait.  Um…nevermind, Nick Cage has like, a bunch of venomous snakes and shit, and I’m pretty sure he scours the internet for people speaking ill of him and makes sure they sleep with the fishes.  Sort of similar to how Luke Perry reads every high school newspaper in America to see if he is mentioned.

And last but certainly not least, what the hell, Katrina Hodge?  If you don’t know who she is, read her story here.  She’s been dubbed “Combat Barbie” because apparently she’s in the British Army and she moonlights as a model.  She petitioned to do away with the swimsuit competition — and won.

Um, what?  Setting aside the fact that the British Army is about as prestigious as being a mall cop, who the hell does this chick thinks she is? 

Look, the only way for chicks to get anywhere in life is to shake their ass and S the D.  We all know this.  Stop with this feminism crap. The minute you start talking about equal rights this and women-aren’t-objects that, you get super fat and not even the QB of the Dallas Cowboys wants your chubby vagina anymore.

I honestly have no idea what the point of this post was, but I sure hope I offended a lot of people.  Just in case I didn’t…

Canada sucks.  A lot.

Mindless Videos to Watch Instead of Studying.

Well, I have my last two finals tomorrow and my brain hurts from studying.  At this point, I’m doing more harm than good.  So I might as well take some time and watch some random, stupid videos on YouTube.  Enjoy.