BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So as you may or may not know, I pointed out the shittiness and douchebaggery of the above blogger in a previous post.  But today, he responded.  And it was fantastic.

Kyle wrote…
um
How in the world did you get chosen to blog for 710 ESPN? Spell check is your friend, along with reading comprehension in general. “Is there a better player that you can get on your team for a decent price who is better?” Simply stunning.

Thetrueseattlefan wrote…
thank you kyle
thanks for the comment.

Thetrueseattlefan wrote…
oh and kye
you should be my editor you managed to find the one mistake in there. good job, if this was elementary school i would give you 4 gold stars.

Kyle wrote…
dude
you have spelling errors in your bio for god’s sake. By the way, there are far more mistakes, I just thought using a word twice in the same sentence was alarmingly bad. So if you’d like, I can point out the myriad of mistakes in this extremely poorly written post.

I already linked to the blog in question, but I still feel the need to rip this assclown, so here we are.  The following is a jumbled mess that is an attempt at an argument for the keeping of Mike Sweeney:

 So spring is in full swing, pun intended, and a few questions have already risen. The most recent and probably burning question is what to do with Mike Sweeney. Now at the begining of the year before we signed him back I was ready to move on. Then we signed him and I kind of figured we would let him audition for other times while training with the Mariners, well that was the case. But then after the locker room lit up and he seems to be torching the pitching competition, it makes you wonder. Can there be a spot on this roster for him? I mean maybe Eric Byrnse isn’t the other answer as a leader and part time player next to Griffey. I know Eric has more versatility than Mike. Lets face it Mike Sweeney is only going to DH. I know he can play 1st base but with his back issues I just do not see that happening. 

So then is he worth it? Should we keep this guy? I do not know and only time will tell. If Mike is hitting .300 or so by the time the 25 man roster starts to take shape then yes I think it would completely be unfair if he didn’t make the team if he is playing at a high level. But really you have to look at this realistically. Is there a better player that you can get on your team for a decent price who is better? Not just as an athlete but leader, person, and player. Is there someone better? That’s always tough to figure out, because you never know how a player reacts to club house’s and, well a lot of factors play in lets just say that. You really have to look at a baseball team that way, that’s the business side of it. Is there someone better I can get who is better and cheaper. 

When it comes down to it I am a firm believer in intangibles out weigh tangibles. that’s right I believe there are certain players who have a much bigger affect on a team than a guy who hits the triple crown. If you have Albert Pujols on your team, but your team is the Pittsburg Pirates, well then your still not going make the playoffs. But if you have a guy like Sweeney who can take a team and motivate them, and get them excited to be out there and have fun and compete everyday then they become a family. And a family never lets each other fail. I know its sounds really crazy but that’s me. Really though in the end I think he needs to be on this roster. This team is a family, and if Sweeney isn’t there your taking the teams father away. Not only that but your taking away the opportunity for the news players on our team to have a teammate who is really something special. He is going be the guy that when the World Series trophy is handed around it brings tears to your eyes to see him hold it. I hope to see him to the end of this season. Because he is that special.

Bahahahahaha!  This guy is so awful it makes my brain hurt.  Lets examine his work a little closer, break down some parts of the article and why they are incredibly wrong:

 So spring is in full swing, pun intended, and a few questions have already risen. The most recent and probably burning question is what to do with Mike Sweeney. Now at the begining of the year before we signed him back I was ready to move on. Then we signed him and I kind of figured we would let him audition for other times while training with the Mariners, well that was the case. But then after the locker room lit up and he seems to be torching the pitching competition, it makes you wonder. Can there be a spot on this roster for him? I mean maybe Eric Byrnse isn’t the other answer as a leader and part time player next to Griffey. I know Eric has more versatility than Mike. Lets face it Mike Sweeney is only going to DH. I know he can play 1st base but with his back issues I just do not see that happening.

 Pun intended?  What are you, 12?  How in the hell is the “most burning question” whether or not Mike Sweeney will return?  We signed him as a minor league free agent, with a non-roster invite to Spring Training.  As many of you know, I love Sweeney.  But there simply isn’t enough room on this roster for another injury prone aging DH.  ‘Begining’ is spelt beginning.  That red squiggly line under it means that you should probably go back and re-evaluate the order of the letters.  You were figuring we would let him “audition for other times while training with the Mariners”?  Or, you know, other teams.  And “Then we signed him and I kind of figured we would let him audition for other times while training with the Mariners, well that was the case.”  is a giant fucking run-on sentence.  Like, you learn to not do this in 9th grade English run-on sentence.  Seriously.  Also, it’s Eric Byrnes, not Byrnse.

God this guy is just awful.

I think my favorite line was, “Is there a better player that you can get on your team for a decent price who is better?”  I kinda figured that when you asked if there was a better player at the beginning of the sentence, it was implied that he was better than Sweeney.  But I appreciate you letting us know that he is, in fact, better at the end of the sentence as well.

When it comes down to it I am a firm believer in intangibles out weigh tangibles. that’s right I believe there are certain players who have a much bigger affect on a team than a guy who hits the triple crown. If you have Albert Pujols on your team, but your team is the Pittsburg Pirates, well then your still not going make the playoffs.

What the fuck do I even do with this?  First of all, intangibles outweigh tangibles?  What the fuck does that even mean?  That’s some fortune cookie, astrology, Miss Cleo shit.  And no, Mike Sweeney is in no way, shape, or form anywhere near as valuable as Albert Pujols.  The fact that he even mentioned it shows his ignorance and stupidity are at much higher levels than I originally anticipated.

This might be the greatest single sentence in history:

“This team is a family, and if Sweeney isn’t there your taking the teams father away.”

First, you‘re.  And secondly, Sweeney is everyone’s father?  I literally laughed out loud in the Quiet Study Area of the library and got weird looks after I read that.  It’s so bad that I kinda feel sorry for this bloke.  I mean, he writes one draft, submits it without spell checking or even fact checking, and bam, we’re in business.  The fact that MyNorthwest.com and 710 ESPN Seattle sanction such asshattery is beyond the realm of comprehension or understanding.

Seriously, this guy is like a virus.  The more people he infects with his ill-informed opinion, the more naive, stupid fans we’ll have.  And when you already live in an area with a shit ton of fair-weather fans who are idiots, helping their cause spells certain doom for intelligent, rational thought.  So, yeah.  We’re all fucked.  Thanks, Quimby.