Why I love Tiger Woods.

First, you’ve probably already heard, but Tiger Woods is back, bitches!  He’ll make his long-awaited return during the Masters the first week of April.  Loves it.

Secondly, I have grown to love Tiger even more so these past few months and that got me to thinking.  Why?  Why do I like Tiger more than I did a year ago?  Well, it’s the same reason I love Milton Bradley.  It’s the same reason I love Kanye West.  And it’s the same reason why I loved Allen Iverson.  They’re all villains.

Tiger Woods was once the most marketable entity in sports.  He actually might still hold that title, but his endorsements are being pulled faster than you can say “transgressions”.  When Tiger was in the public’s good graces, he was beloved by many.  Now that his stock has gone down quicker than Paris Hilton after a glass of wine, he’s seen as a “bad guy” by the media and the casual sports fan.

I simply don’t see it that way.  The man is human; he likes to engage in ‘sexting’ and restroom intercourse just like the rest of us.  He’s a dude.  Don’t give me all this “he should have been loyal to his wife” or “his wife was too hot to cheat on” because they’re both ridiculous.  Contrary to popular belief, Tiger Woods is actually not the first athlete to cheat on his wife.  I mean, guys are about as loyal as their options.  And looking at Elin, she seems like she’d scoff at a request for anal, so go get it, Tiger.  Secondly, if you think any woman anywhere is too hot to cheat on, then you’re a dumb motherfucker.  Show me a hot chick, and I’ll show you a dude who is tired of fucking her.  It’s just the way it works.  Sure, she might be dynamite in the sack, but what if she’s just plain crazy?  What if she’s a dead fish and won’t do anything other than missionary?  I mean, what’s Tiger supposed to do, not cheat?  Psssh.  That’s crazy talk.

Bill Maher came up with the best analogy I’ve ever heard regarding this subject, so I’ll paraphrase:

Women want shoes.  Women want a lot of shoes.  Even though the pair of shoes you currently have are more than capable and in no way unfit to be used, you still want a new pair, mainly because they’re new.  So, please stop trying to understand when guys want a new vagina.  It’s not about not loving the girl or not caring about his kids.  It’s about realizing, “Damn, I’ve worn the same pair of Nike’s for like 2 years now.  Perhaps I should go try on a pair of Reeboks.”  It just so happened that he tried on like 19 pairs of shoes in different locations around the US and then Nike caught him.

He’s no different from any other dude.  Well, save that he’s one of the 5 greatest golfers of all-time and he has more money than God.  But other than that, normal dude.  So please spare me all this “Tiger was wrong, Tiger is a jerk” bullshit.  I don’t care.  It’s not your place to judge him anyways.

I love Tiger even more than ever and am anxiously awaiting his return on April 8th.  I love Tiger, because Tiger is now, more than ever, the villain.