Week long sabbatical.

Yes, dear readers, I must apologize in advance.  KyleRancourt.com will not be updated until May 9th at the earliest.  I realize KR.com is where you come first for all of your Fantasy Sports, Mariners, Seahawks, Cougars, and other sport related news, as well as Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s breakup coverage.

Alas, the GF and I are headed to Jamaica.  Ocho Rios to be specific.  We leave tomorrow night and fly out to Charlotte.  Then we catch the connecting flight to Paradise.  We stay at a Sandals, which is all-inclusive.  Everything is free.  Yes, booze too.  They have a swim up bar in their giant pool, and you can guess where this guy will be for a majority of the time…

So while I’ll miss all of you, I won’t actually miss any of you.  I’ll be far too drunk to realize that I’m in a different country.  I just hope I come back looking better than this:

Peace out, America.  Jamaica, here we come.

Fantasy Friday.

CURRENT STANDINGS:

1.) Kyle (obviously.)
2.) Geoff (inexplicably)
3.) Lotz
4.) Pat the Rock
5.) Don (huh?)
6.) Mikey
7.) Ruther

Geoff and Don both move up a spot, while Ruther now dwells in the cellar. Kyle still in the lead thanks to Big Time Timmy Jim.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK THAT’S NOT ON MY TEAM:

Kelly Johnson, 2B, Arizona Diamondbacks (Team Mikey/Waiver Wire/Team Don)

Proving once again that he is one of the worst managers in our league’s history, Mikey has gold in waiver wire pick up Kelly Johnson. He drops Johnson and over his next 2 games, he is 5-10 with 2 HRs, and 5 RBI. Way to go, mang. Classic Mike D’Angelo right there. If I didn’t have Chase Utley, I’d have picked him up in a heartbeat. I almost did, just on principle. Arch-rival Don swoops in and says yoinks.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK THAT IS ON MY TEAM:

Paul Konerko, 1B, Chicago White Sox

I picked him up mid-week, so I can’t really say he’s been on my team this whole time. My team has been falling apart offensively thanks to my inability to select players from different teams. I have 3 Atlanta Braves, 3 Philadelphia Phillies, and 3 Tampa Bay Rays. It sucks having to bench BJ Upton, but I can’t play Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena, and BJ Upton every day. Plus, Michael Bourn is killing it. So, there’s hope. Plus I just got Verlander for free! Thanks for dropping him after one bad start, Jason.

Konerko’s week:
.421, 5 HRs, 8 RBI, 5 runs, 4 BB

JASON HEYWARD UPDATE:

Past week — .158, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 run scored, 3 BB
Season to date — .239, 5 HR, 17 RBI, 9 runs scored, 13 BB

Horrible, horrible week for Jason the Destroyer. Perhaps I’ve put too much pressure on him? All I know is that he was slumping so badly that I actually sat him. I didn’t even play anyone over him. I just sat him. Of course, we all know what happened then. Yep, he hit his lone home run of the week. Figures. Perhaps he just wanted everyone else to feel good about themselves? I mean, he was hogging the spotlight for a while. Maybe he wanted to share? The Braves have lost 9 games in a row, and to put it on a 20-year-old rookie would be ridiculous. But I kinda feel like as Heyward goes, the Braves go. Sorry, Robbie.

DAYS UNTIL THE WWF BELT IS MINE AGAIN FOR THE 5th CONSECUTIVE TIME:

156

Sorry guys, no Fantasy Friday update next week.  I’ll be sipping some fruity drink with an umbrella in it while sitting on a bar stool at the swim up bar in Jamaica.  And yes, I just said I’d be drinking something fruity.  Make fun of me all you want, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to drink girly drinks whilst vacationing in paradise.  I hope it rains when we’re gone.

“The League” is effing amazing.

As you all know, I’m mildly obsessed with Fantasy Sports.  FX has a show called “The League” which centers around a group of buddies who play Fantasy Football together.  While Fantasy Football is my least favorite of the three major sports, the league participants are pretty spot on.  Their mannerisms towards each other, as well as the immature and childish way they make fun of each other and gloat is like someone documented our league.  Let’s go over the cast of characters:

Pete is not only the league’s reigning champion, he has won the past three years in a row. So obviously, Pete is me in this scenario. So many similarities that it’s eerie. Here’s everything we have in common:

- Multiple championships in a row.
- Everyone in the league wants him to lose.
- When he eventually loses, everyone is ecstatic, even if they themselves don’t win.
- Sleeps with championship trophy.
- Brags about championship constantly to the behest of the league.
- Has sex tape of himself and significant other hidden in Benjamin Button DVD case.

Then there’s Taco. Taco is a combination of multiple personalities, actually. He’s a stoner who likes to rap and never checks his team. He also inexplicably gets chicks. He’s Bellingham Mikey (stoner/rapper), Bellingham Kyle (chicks dig him for some unknown reason), and Josh (never checks his team/general idiot). Also, his name is Taco. TACO!

My favorite Taco quote:  “I just had sex in a Prius.  You know why I love having sex in a Prius?  You’re having sex AND helping the environment.”

Then there’s Ruxin. Ruxin is basically Don. He talks and talks and talks, but is always finding excuses for why he never wins. When Pete loses in the championship, he is jumping for joy. He was eliminated from the playoffs, but just to see the champion fall, he counts it as a victory in and of itself.

Andre is easily Geoff. He thinks he’s the coolest guy in the league and everyone makes fun of him constantly. He desperately wants to be in with everyone, but the majority of the time, they’re making fun of his gayness. Also, each year, he has the worst draft, always drafting someone who has retired.

“Has anyone picked Keyshawn Johnson?”
(blank stares and silence)

“…You know, I’m sure he’s been picked.”
“How has he not been picked yet?”
“I don’t know how he hasn’t.”

“Keyshawn. On the board. Now.”

“Should we tell him?”
“Keyshawn Johnson retired like, 3 years ago. Yearly Andre draft mistake.”

“No, no, I meant Chad Johnson.”

“Ocho Cinco?”

And the pain continues. It’s just so magical and Geoff-like that I don’t know what to do with myself.

Go to Hulu and watch The League. It’s free. There are only 6 episodes. It’s fucking hilarious.

Top 5 Video Games Ever. (Kinda)

Let me preface this with the fact that I didn’t include any games on Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Super Nintendo, Sega, or any other console.  For the purposes of this post, I’m only focusing on Xbox360.  So when you don’t see games like MarioKart 64, GoldenEye, Street Fighter 2, Super Mario Brothers, Sonic the Hedgehog, or even the immortal Duck Tales for NES, don’t get your panties in a twist.  I’m not saying they aren’t great games, I’m just choosing to go with an up-to-date version that includes basically only game within the last 5 years.

We’ll do this in reverse order, just to build up the suspense.  I’ll have an Honorable Mention at the end to show you the games that got snubbed, for one reason or another, but were still pretty damn close.  Onward!

Read more of this post

The Seahawks made this weekend their bitch.

I already wrote about the Seahawks first two picks, but we had 7 more picks after the first round.  And holy shit, we absolutely killed it this weekend.  Like, Ben Roethlisberger would be jealous at the rape that took place.  That good.

Read more of this post

I love Earl Thomas, and you should too.

Before the draft started, I singled out a few players that I thought were going to be pretty special.  Eric Berry was the player I had pegged as the 2nd best player in the draft and someone who will be a great player in the NFL for a long time.  I still believe that.  However, in my mock draft, Earl Thomas wasn’t available at #14 for the Seahawks to select.  I was hoping he’d fall, but never thought he would, so I didn’t spend as much time scouting him as I did with Berry.

Having prefaced this post with that last fact, I’m here to tell you that as Seahawk fans, we should be absolutely thrilled about this kid.  Not only are we getting an elite talent, we’re getting a great human being.  With so many off the field issues surrounding some of the top players in the draft, this kid is spotless and will help out the community a lot as well.

“In my opinion, Earl Thomas is the most instinctive free safety I’ve seen on tape in five or six years. He’s a play-maker, he’s got loose hips, he’s got the best range of any center fielder I’ve seen coming out of college football in a long time.  He can go sideline to sideline in zone, he makes plays in zone, he can disconnect and cover No. 2 and No. 3 [receivers], and you’ve got to remember in the NFL these days with the multiple receivers, any time a free safety can drop down and cover like a corner, it’s a huge plus.  [Eric] Berry can do most of those things, but I don’t think he has the instincts.  When I watch tape of these kids, I want to see how quickly you react to what you’re reading, and that’s what separates Earl Thomas.” –  Mike Mayock, NFL Network

Oh and it doesn’t stop there, either.  Director of Scouts, Inc. and Mel Kiper, Jr. arch rival Todd McShay says:

“I could watch Earl Thomas on film all day long.  In terms of versatility, instincts, and play-making ability, there isn’t a better safety in this year’s class including Eric Berry.  He might have the best hands of any defensive back in this year’s class.  I’m convinced he’s ready to step in and make a big difference at the next level.”

Thomas is a red-shirt sophomore.  He’s only 20 years old (although, he’ll be turning 21 in a few weeks).  His stats in only two years at one of the best schools in the nation are remarkable.  He set the single season school record for interceptions in just his 2nd year in Austin.  It’s really impressive when you consider the list of defensive back in the NFL that are Texas alums.  He hasn’t even come close to reaching his full potential, and I would put money on him leading the Seahawks in interceptions this season.

In just 27 games as a member of the Texas Longhorns, Thomas racked up 149 tackles and 10 interceptions, with his 8 last season breaking the aforementioned record.  This kid makes plays.  The one knock on him was his size, but I think that’s way blown out of proportion.  Thomas is listed at 5’10¼ and 208 lbs.  He’ll be over 5’11 with cleats on, and well, obsessing over measurements is stupid.  Sure he’s 5’10 without shoes, but, um, he plays in cleats.  So when they start playing barefoot, then I’ll start worrying more about the inch he’s giving up in terms of height.

Let’s compare him, size wise, to some of the elite safeties in the NFL:

Brian Dawkins, DEN — 6’0, 210
Brandon Meriweather, NE — 5’11, 200
Michael Griffin, TEN — 6’0, 202
Tanard Jackson, TB — 6’0, 200
Donte Whitner, BUF — 5’10, 208
Ed Reed, BAL — 5’11, 200
Troy Polamalu, PIT — 5’10, 207

So, what, an inch or so shorter? He’s actually bigger than some of these guys. I don’t get how he’s “undersized” but Eric Berry isn’t. Berry is listed at 5’11⅝ and 211 lbs. So he’s roughly an inch taller and 3 pounds heavier. But Earl Thomas is undersized. Right.

If you aren’t impressed with Thomas’ on the field prospects, then you have to root for his off the field ones.  On a scale of 1-5 where 1 is “exceptional” and 5 is “marginal”, Thomas scored a 1 under the intangibles category.

“Competitive player with passion for the game.  Has overcome adversity and sites main reason for leaving school early is to purchase a home for his parents, who lost theirs in Hurricane Rita.  Grandfather, Earl Thomas, is a pastor.  No off the field issues to our knowledge.”  — Scouts, Inc.

Dude turned pro to buy a house for his mom and dad who lost it in a fucking hurricane.  I’m not sure how you don’t root for this guy.  All I know is as soon as his jersey is available, I’m buying it.  Just please give him a cooler number than the 29 that is listed on Seahawks.com.

Fantasy Friday.

CURRENT STANDINGS:

1.) Kyle (obviously)
2.) Lotz
3.) Geoff
4.) Pat
5.) Mikey
6.) David
7.) Don

Ruther takes a tumble all the way to 6th place, while Geoff is only 5 points behind Lotz for 2nd place. Don, per usual, is still in the cellar. KYLE IS KILLING IT. OH YEAH!

PLAYER OF THE WEEK THAT’S NOT ON MY TEAM:

Ryan Braun, OF, Milwaukee Brewers (Geoff’s team)

Well this would have gone to Andre Ethier, but Braun went bananas yesterday in the Brewers 20-0 shellacking of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Braun got literally half of his week point total in yesterday’s game. So, yeah. Once again Mikey comes up just short.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK THAT IS ON MY TEAM:

Matt Kemp, OF, Los Angeles Dodgers

Kemp is going ape nuts. Yes, ape nuts. It’s that serious.

.333, 3 HRs, 7 RBI, 8 runs, 5 BBs.

He is currently the best player in our entire league, AND I GOT HIM WITH THE 5TH PICK IN THE ENTIRE DRAFT! THANKS FOR PASSING ON HIM, DON. THIS WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU. ALSO, DID YOU GET THAT TEXT MESSAGE I SENT YOU? I FEEL LIKE IT MIGHT NOT HAVE SENT BECAUSE I WAS GETTING A TEXT AT THE SAME TIME AND MY BLACKBERRY TENDS TO NOT WORK HALF OF THE TIME. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL WRITING IN CAPS, BUT IT COULD BE THAT I’M TOO LAZY TO REACH MY PINKY OVER AND HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY. ONE MORE THING: MATTTTTTT KEEEEEMMMMMMMPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2010 stats to date:
.333, 7 HR, 20 RBI, 20 runs, 2 steals, 8 BB, 1 girlfriend named Rihanna.

JASON HEYWARD UPDATE:

Past week — .211, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 2 runs, 4 BB
Season to date — .269, 4 HRs, 16 RBI, 8 runs, 10 BB

“Jason the Destroyer” had a very average week and didn’t do anything to really cause excitement.  Well, besides hitting the game tying home run with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th against arch rival Philadelphia.

Fun fact about that game?  Kyle Kendrick started that game.  Kyle Kendrick went to High School with me and I’ve known him since we were like 10.  Kyle Kendrick has been sucking — a lot — and actually pitched really, really well.  He winds up with the no decision.  I’m pretty sure he was pissed.  Also, in case you’re wondering, I’m 1-4 lifetime off of Kendrick.  In little league, I hit a double off of him my very first at bat.  Then the next three I saw 9 pitches, and all of them were strikes.  So while I’m just 1 for 4 with 3 Ks, hey, that’s a career .250 batting average against a guy who plays baseball professionally.  Not bad for a guy who blogs professionally — minus the paycheck.

DAYS UNTIL THE WWF BELT IS MINE AGAIN FOR THE 5th CONSECUTIVE TIME:

163

Day 1 Recap

The Seahawks get an A+ for their two picks in the first round. Pete Carroll’s first draft as Head Coach has gone swimmingly so far, as the best offensive tackle in the draft fell to us at the #6 pick. Many thought Washington would take Russell Okung with the #4 pick, but Seattle did naked cartwheels when the Redskins opted for Oklahoma’s Trent Williams instead. Kansas City then selected KyleRancourt.com favorite Eric Berry, making the choice ridiculously easy for new GM John Schneider. Okung was my highest rated offensive lineman and he’ll start at left tackle from Day 1. As Mike Mayock of NFL Network said,

“You plug him and play him. They’re set at left tackle for the next 10 years.”


With the #14 pick, the Seahawks moved to the other side of the ball, addressing a major need.  As I said before, we haven’t had a good safety since parachute pants and denim jackets were cool, so getting one with our first two picks was something we needed to do.  We get the 2nd best safety in the draft with former Texas Longhorn Earl Thomas.  Thomas is a red-shirt sophomore, so he’s only 20 years old.  His size is his only question mark, but his ability to play both safety and corner means he’ll also be a starter from Day 1.  With the first two picks, Carroll and Schneider get starters at two key positions.  That’s a helluva draft so far.

Last year’s #1 pick enjoyed the Earl Thomas selection, too.  Here’s Aaron Curry‘s thoughts via twitter:

In non Seahawks news, if you would have told me before the draft that Tim Tebow would be selected ahead of Jimmy Clausen, I would have called you crazier than all but 2 of my ex girlfriends.  Yet here we are.  It also kind of makes me smile that Clausen fell to R2, because I think he’s kind of a douche.  While getting him in the 2nd round would be much better than paying him like the #6 or #14 pick, I still don’t think we need to trade up and get him.  Everyone seems to think that since he’s begun his free fall that we need to trade what little assets we have in order to get our QB of the future.  My problem is we already traded high picks for Charlie Whitehurst and gave him $10 million dollars.  You don’t want that much money invested in three different QBs.  So I could see it if we didn’t have Whitehurst, but they traded for him for a reason.  We may not like it because we don’t know about Whitehurst, but the people making decisions are far more educated than the general populous.

Day 2 starts tomorrow and will feature rounds 2 and 3.  Saturday morning will begin with round 4 and go until the end of the 2010 draft.  More thoughts tomorrow before Day 2 starts.  Until then, just be glad we don’t have JaMarcus Russell on our roster.

Day 1 Grade: A+

Pre NFL Draft Notes.

Who I want the Seahawks to take at #6:

- Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
He’s most likely gone by 6, but just in case Kansas City takes Oklahoma’s Trent Williams instead, I’d jump all over Okung as Walter Jones’ replacement protecting Mark Sanch…er, Matt Hasselbeck’s blind side.

- Eric Berry, S, Tennessee
He’s probably the 2nd best player regardless of position in the entire draft, behind Nebraska DT Ndamukong Suh. We haven’t had a good safety since Kenny Easley and we just rid ourselves of Deon Grant. Berry actually rates higher than Ed Reed did coming out of college, which is both ridiculous and even more ridiculous. Too bad I hate the Volunteers. If Berry went to USC, Florida, Texas, or University of Miami, I’d be so stoked. Also, if he was in fact a ‘Cane, he probably would have a bunch of off the field issues, but a cool rap song. So you take the good with the bad.

- Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
He can play anywhere on the offensive line, and supposedly is a perfect fit for Alex Gibbs’ zone blocking scheme. He doesn’t quite get me as excited as Okung, but he’d be an upgrade over Seah Locklear who is either better suited to play RT or better suited to be equipment manager. Good lord our offensive line sucks.

Who I don’t want the Seahawks to take at #6:

- Brian Bulaga, OT, Iowa
I’m scared of drafting white people this high. I mean, I guess it’d be ok if he were a franchise QB or something, but white people scare me. In all seriousness, Bulaga gets hurt way too much for me to feel confident in taking him with such a high pick and giving him that much money. Plus I just feel like he’s Robert Gallery 2.0. Probably because he’s white and went to Iowa.

- Derrick Morgan, DE/OLB, Georgia Tech
Don’t get me wrong, I actually really like Morgan. I just don’t want to take him this high. If he’s still around at 14, then I’d snag him, I just think #6 overall is reaching.

Who I want to take at #14:

- CJ Spiller, RB, Clemson
Spiller is the all-time leader in kick off returns for touchdowns in NCAA history with 7. That is video game stuff. He’s an all-purpose back. He won’t be your 25 carries a game guy, he’ll be a scat back type. Return punts and kicks, block, catch passes out of the backfield, and even line up as the slot WR. Spiller can do it all and we need a game changer on offense. He also ran a 4.27 at the combine in the 40 yard dash, which is stupid.

- Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Not that I really want him, but we really need a tackle. This is only if we don’t take a tackle with #6 and take Berry instead. Davis has a ton of potential so he could wind up being the best tackle in the draft. But he’s kind of a boom-or-bust player and that’s a little scary.

- Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, USF
His experience is questionable, seeing as how he played 2 years at a Junior College and then transferred to South Florida and stayed one year, playing only 8 games. But good lord. Go to YouTube and type in his name and just watch. He actually is probably the most physically gifted athlete in the entire draft. Reminds some of Jevon Kearse, so perhaps The Freak 2? Again, a boom-or-bust type player. Also, Derrick Morgan here would work.

- Joe Haden, CB, Florida
Hands down the best cornerback in the draft. Anyone that knows me knows I’m obsessed with cornerbacks. Whenever I’m playing my Dynasty in NCAA, I always recruit at least 3 corners each year, even if I already have like 10. You can never have too many good cornerbacks. Currently, the Seahawks have one decent corner, and a bunch of spare parts. I hate Kelly Jennings and hope he contracts Hepatitis A, B, or even C. Marcus Trufant is the one player that has shown he can be a good player, but he is a tad overrated. He’s more suited as a #2 corner and I just really love Joe Haden. I think he’ll be gone by 14, but hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

- Earl Thomas, S, Texas
Thomas passed Taylor Mays as the 2nd best safety in this class. He can play both corner and safety, so that’s a bonus. I really like him, but my problem is I really like a lot of players at #14, and we need a lot of help. Like, a lot a lot.

Who I don’t want at 14:

- Dez Bryant, WR, OKlahoma State
I know we need help at wideout (as well as every other position) but I feel like taking him would be a mistake. Our needs are so pressing elsewhere, and last time we took a WR in the top of the first round with loads of talent but plenty of off the field issues it was Koren Robinson. So, um, yeah.

- Mike Iupati, G, Idaho
Everyone seems to be really high on Iupati, and I’m just not sold. I think he’ll be solid, if unspectacular, but we’d be transitioning him to tackle and I’m never really a big fan of drafting a player and moving him to another position. Plus I think 14 is a little high and if we really want him, perhaps trade down and pick up some much-needed extra draft picks.

Let the record show that in no way do I want Jimmy Clausen. I don’t think he’ll be a terrible QB, but I don’t want to pay him a billion dollars and be looking for a QB in 2-3 years like Al Davis. I see him as a less good version of Jake Plummer. Probably a bad comparison, but it’s less style of play, and more talent overall. Plummer never sucked, but he was never super amazing or anything. He looked bad at times, he looked good at times. Overall, he was a good QB, but I’m not sure you’d build a franchise around him.

Also, I think that Sam Bradford is going to be a huge bust. And I’m really happy the Rams are going to take him and pay him like $100 million. Just another set back for our arch rivals.

The draft is in 3 hours, and I’ll be sure to have a recap of the first round later tonight.

Roethlisberger Suspended, Rape Claims to Soon Skyrocket.

Pittsburgh Steelers QB/Kobe Bryant impersonator Ben Roethlisberger was suspended today by the NFL for anywhere between 4-6 games, with the opinion heavily leaning toward the 6 game side.

For those of you who haven’t heard about Roethlisberger’s extra curricular activities, here’s a short run down:

Goes to a college town in Georgia.  Goes bar hopping in college town in Georgia.  Gets super drunk in college town in Georgia.  Sees semi attractive girl who may or may not be good-looking.  Decides to drink more.  Semi attractive girl who may or may not be good-looking suddenly becomes Pam Anderson before Hepatitis.  Decides to drink more.  Convinced now that Pre-Hep Pam look-alike is down with unwanted sexual advances.  Decides to drink more.  Decides that Pre-Hep Pam is not only down with unwanted sexual advances, she is now down with unwanted bathroom sex.  Decides to drink more.  Takes penis out of pants, points it at her like wand in Harry Potter movies.  Before drinking more, says some sort of spell he learned while at Hogwartz.  Drinks more.  Tells Pre-Hep Pam that she looks like she is “down to fuck”.  Ignores her response.  Drinks more.  Shows her that the ”Big Ben” nickname is in no way related to the size of certain male body part, and strictly the clock in England.  Drinks more.  Attempts to take out condom, only to realize it is, in fact, a coupon for a free small slush at Sonic.  Decides to use it anyway.  Drinks more.  Pre-Hep Pam is so ashamed that her lady parts were victim to paper cuts and extremely pre-mature ejaculation that she runs out of bathroom.  Roethlisberger’s bodyguards make sure to tell Pre-Hep Pam’s friends that “nothing happened”.  Well, yeah, nothing; save the unwanted sexual intercourse, or, as it were, outercourse, with a drive in restaurant’s free drink coupon.  Pre-Hep Pam runs to first Police Officer she finds.  Officer calls her “an annoying bitch”.  Officer seeks out Roethlisberger.  Officer asks Ben for picture.  Officer and Ben take picture.  Ben offers a bribe of a free small slush coupon to Sonic if the officer doesn’t press charges.  Officer accepts bribe.  Officer immediately regrets decision.  Officer reaches for hand sanitizer.  Roethlisberger and entourage escape to hotel.  Ben decides to drink more.  Ben makes booty call to Front Desk of hotel.  Front Desk sends up extra pillows and blankets.  Ben drinks more.  Pillows and blankets are sitting there, minding their own business when Ben takes out his penis, again.  Pillows are now rocking back and forth in the corner, clutching their knees.  Blankets begin to cry and blame themselves for leading Ben on.  Ben passes out from rape exhaustion.  Sleep walks to mini-bar.  Drinks more.

And now we’re here.  NFL commissioner Roger Goodell threw the hammer down on Big Ben and he’ll likely be out until the Steeler’s 7th game of the season.  Which is both hilarious and appropriate for someone with Roethlisberger’s track record.  I just hope the Seahawks don’t wind up trading for him.  You know, for the sake of all the co-eds in the U-District.

Then again, I’ve never met a girl from UW that said no to sex, let alone with a professional athlete.

The team most prominently mentioned when speculating about who will trade for Ben is unsurprisingly the Oakland Raiders.  Which brings us to our tweet o’ the day:

And on that note, have a good Hump Day, everyone.  Just be thankful you’re not spending it with Big Ben.

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