Fantasy Friday.

Introducing you to a new segment that will probably last about 2 or 3 weeks, and then I’ll lose interest/forget all about it.  But for now, here’s how it works:

Since I know you all are super curious as to how our Fantasy Baseball league is shaping up, I feel like updating you once per week of the goings on.  There’s a more than slight chance this could fail, considering followers of KyleRancourt.com only include the people in the league (on occasion), my girlfriend Kelly, Brad & Sarah, Wadz (sporadically), and Robbie from SC, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

CURRENT STANDINGS:

1.) Kyle (obviously.)
2.) Lotz
3.) Ruther
4.) Pat the Rock
5.) Geoff
6.) Mikey
7.) Don

First off, Don is in last place. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I don’t care if the season is less than 2 weeks old, watching Don lose is more satisfying than watching myself win. Secondly, I’m starting to pull away from the pack. Lotz and David are surprising some people, while Mikey started to drop as soon as he made a giant post about how he is the 2nd best team in the league. Karma, I guess.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK:

Chase Utley, 2B, Philadelphia Phillies (Kyle’s Team)

Utley raised his average to .343 on the young season, to go along with 5 homers and 11 RBI. 12 runs scored is a nice bonus as well. Also, we must account for the sexiness of the sole patch.

A runner-up would be Rhianna’s boyfriend, Matt Kemp. Kemp is killing it and is currently the player with the most points in our league, and I got him with the 5th pick somehow. Pat had Hanley as a holdover with his first pick, and then it went David Wright (Geoff), Justin Upton (Don), and Pablo Sandoval (David). How in the hell did Kemp fall that far to me? I don’t know, and I don’t care. I love me some Matt Kemp.

MOTHERFUCKER OF THE WEEK:

This will be the player on my team, specifically, who I’ve played and has done absolutely nothing. Also, this usually means someone on my bench went bananas, and my hair turned a little more grey because of it.

This week’s MoFo — Adam Jones, OF, Baltimore Orioles

We here in Seattle know all too well about Adam Jones. “Gold Glove” winner, great upside, All-Star. We gave Baltimore Jones in the Erik Bedard fiasco, and some people still haven’t moved on. I’m ok with it, because if this shitty trade never happens, Bavasi might still be in charge. Also, we have Sexy Time AKA Franklin Gutierrez. So it’s hard to be mad when he have the best defensive player in all of baseball roaming center at The Safe.

Jones’ week looked something like this: .241, 0 HRs, 1 RBI, 1 BB, 2 runs scored. The best part? I played him over BJ Upton, who had been sucking balls. Upton hit .304 with 2 HRs, 5 RBI, 2 stolen bases, 5 runs scored, and 2 BBs. Jones over Upton? Fail.

JASON HEYWARD UPDATE:

Because I am completely gay for Jason Heyward, I’m going to also remind you of his greatness by posting his numbers, and perhaps referencing some “Heywardisms” that I’ve stolen from Sports Casualties.

Past week — .333, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 4 runs, 6 BB
Season to date — .303, 3 HR, 12 RBI, 6 runs, 6 BB, 1.077 OPS

Heywardism of the Week — “At 6′5″, 245, Jason Heyward has surprisingly never hit a home run before. However, many a fastball have stopped dead in their tracks and run 450 feet in the other direction out of sheer terror.”  — Robbie Hilson.

Well said, sir.  Well said.

DAYS UNTIL THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP BELT IS MINE AGAIN FOR THE 5th CONSECUTIVE TIME:

170

Credit where credit is due.

First things first; for those of you who weren’t aware, yes, Mikey and I were Mormons for Halloween a few years ago.  It was as awesome as it seems.  Now, onto the point of this post…

Mikey D’Angelo has defied the odds and defeated Kyle for the Fantasy Basketball Championship Belt.  Yes, we play for bragging rights, but we also play for something far more important; the WWF Championship replica belt.  $8 on eBay.  You should look into it.

Anyways.  Mikey always proclaims his team is the best, when in fact, his teams usually suck balls.  So, I guess if you constantly say the same thing over and over, eventually, you’re bound to be right one of these days.  Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Despite my superior drafting skills, my team was ravaged by injuries.  Chris Paul missed half of the season, and had he been healthy, the points he would have generated might have net me the title by itself.  However, throw in the fact that Carmelo Anthony and Al Jefferson were both hurt, and you can see how disappointed I am that I didn’t win my 4th basketball title in a row.  I guess without failure, you can’t appreciate victory.

So, I guess, Mikey is like the Houston Rockets those two years Jordan was in retirement.  Champions?  Sure.  But Champions with an asterisk.

Ok, ok.  I need to stop bitching and moaning.  Mikey had a really good team, and he said Zach Randolph was going to blow up this year.  I laughed at his ridiculous remarks, and then Randolph wound up being a Top 10 player in our league.  Chris Bosh went bananas, Deron Williams killed it, and Jason Kidd defied us all by putting up great numbers in his age 63 year.

I still think my holdovers are better; I have Kevin Durant in R6, who I’m keeping for the rest of time, as well as Chris Paul (R1) and Al Jefferson (R13).  Mikey has Bosh (R4), Williams (R1), and possibly Brandon Roy.  But Pat has Kobe (R1), DWade (R4), and I don’t think you even need a 3rd holdover after that.

Sigh.  Today is the first time in 4 years I’ve woken up after the NBA season has concluded and not been happy.  I am not shouting on the rooftops, I am not wearing my belt to the grocery store, I am not sending Mikey text messages that say nothing but are filled with exclamation points.  No, today I am not a champion.  I lost to a better team, and a better manag…ok, no.  A better team, sure.  But it’ll be a cold day in Hell before I proclaim Mikey is the better manager.

So everyone raise your glasses; let’s toast to the best ceiling kicker in the history of the world.  The one, the only, Mike D’Angelo.  Your 2009-10 Fantasy Basketball Champion.

Cue the Mikey Dumb Face followed by “YEAYER!”

AOL strikes again.

First of all, I love Ryan Zimmerman.  For those of you who don’t know who he is, he just so happens to be my holdover 3B from the Washington Nationals.  I’ve never really questioned his sexuality, but I mean, I guess I could see how people think he’s gay.  The obvious joke here is to ask if he’s the pitcher or the catcher.  Not really sure.  He plays the Hot Corner and since he bats 3rd in the lineup on most nights, he always starts the game In the Hole.

Gay, straight, bi/curious, whatever.  Just keep helping me win Fantasy Baseball titles and you can go be gay all you want.  Like, Matthew Shepard gay.  Eeesh, was it too soon for that reference?