WrestleMania 28 Recap.

April 2, 2012 by Leave a comment

#BootstoAsses

 

WrestleMania 28 took place last night in Miami, FL. It is pro wrestling’s biggest stage, and the show has been hyped as the biggest ‘Mania of all time for the past year. It delivered. Bullet point recap, here we come.

  • The very first match of the evening was Daniel Bryan defending his World Heavyweight Championship against Royal Rumble winner Sheamus. I expected Sheamus to win, but not in the fashion he did. The entire match lasted literally 18 seconds, and broke the record for quickest title match ever. Bryan asked for a sort of time out to start the match, as he wanted to get a good luck kiss from his girlfriend AJ. After she jumped off the apron, Bryan turned around and Sheamus almost kicked his face off with a Brogue Kick. 1, 2, 3. That fucking fast. A lot of internet smarks were super pissed because they want to fellate Bryan Danielson, but I’m ok with it. It wasn’t a squash match, even though that’s what everyone is calling it. A squash match would have lasted like a minute or two with Sheamus getting 90% of the offense in and no selling Bryan’s offense. This was not that. Instead, Bryan gets to keep his arrogant dick character and take this loss out on AJ for distracting him. He doesn’t look weak at all. He held the title for four months. Think about it this way: if you were a wrestler, and wrestling wasn’t scripted, would you wait around for Bryan to get settled, or would you attempt to hit your finisher right away and use the least amount of effort possible? I enjoy being genuinely surprised. I was genuinely surprised. I was mad at first because I love wrestling, and Bryan is a great wrestler. I’m ok with this, though, because it adds a different dimension to both Sheamus and Bryan’s characters.
  • Randy Orton jobbed cleanly to Kane. I have nothing to add. I was literally speechless.
  • Kelly Kelly is the worst female wrestler I’ve ever seen and I wish she would go the fuck away. Having your Divas Champion eat the pin from the host of Extra is stupid and why no one cares about the Divas anymore.
  • Big Show beating Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Championship was pretty cool. Show started crying and hugging the belt like it actually means something again, which I love. The Intercontinental Championship is my favorite title ever, so bringing prestige back to it is amazing. Show has now won every singles title the current version of WWE has to offer — WWE Championship, World Heavyweight, United States, and now IC. He’s also a multiple time Tag Team champ and former Hardcore Champion. The only belt he never won was the old European Title. I love Big Show because he’s always about what’s best for business. He’s made a career of putting younger guys over, and it’s cool to give him this moment. Plus, I don’t think it hurts Cody Rhodes at all.
  • Before the show, Primo & Epico retained their Tag Titles against the Usos and the new team of Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. The match wasn’t super long, but it was fun. I want them to revitalize the Tag Team division. It used to be really cool. Now it sucks.
  • The Undertaker/HHH Hell in a Cell match was pretty great. It was slow and prodding in some spots, but they’re in their mid 40s and broken. For what it was, it was super enjoyable. For a minute, I actually thought HHH was going to end the streak. ‘Taker is now 20-0 at ‘Mania. Side note: I absolutely love when guys kick out of finishers. I know it’s going to happen, but I still mark out hardcore. That’s why this match was fun. Super Kick into a Pedigree and ‘Taker kicked out. Crowd went nuts for that.
  • Team Johnny predictably won vs. Team Teddy. Thank God. I hate Teddy Long and his ridiculous ridiculousness.
  • CM Punk retained his WWE Championship in the best match of the night. Chris Jericho is my favorite wrestler ever, so I was actually rooting for him to beat Punk. Plus, it would give this feud an excuse to continue. The match had more counters than I can remember in a match, and was fantastically played by both parties. Seeing the old school version of Jericho’s finishing maneuver — The Lion Tamer — instead of a watered down Walls of Jericho made myself and everyone else freak out. Seeing Jericho reverse a top rope Hurricanrana from Punk into the Walls was fucking phenomenal. He also countered a GTS into the Walls and hit a few Codebreakers out of nowhere. Punk made him tap out with the Anaconda Vice which helps cement Punk as the top guy in the company not named Cena. Jericho putting Punk over here makes sense, but it’s also a little sad because I don’t want this feud to end. It doesn’t really have a reason to continue anymore because Punk already beat Jericho cleanly. There’s no reason for a rematch.
  • Rock/Cena was a horrible in ring match, but I loved the finish so much that I don’t even care. Rock didn’t look rusty, but he looked gassed about 10 minutes into the match. Cena is fine in ring when he has someone carry him like Punk did at Money in the Bank, but when he has to carry the other guy, he looks exceptionally bad. Rock is sort of the same way, and these two had zero chemistry in ring. The thing that bothered me was Cena was attempting to out-muscle Rock, but Rock is bigger than Cena. It didn’t make sense. The ending was fucked up because Cena didn’t jump at the right time and almost botched the Rock Bottom. Rock winning cleanly made everyone lose their fucking minds, though. I jumped up and down screaming “HOLY SHIT!!” and picked up Mrs. Kyle in celebration. She did not appreciate that one bit.
  • Overall, I think it was a really good show. Usually, I dislike paying $50 for a PPV (and $65 for ‘Mania) but I feel like I got my monies worth. Pretty excited for all the new storylines that developed. Where will Cena go from here now that he lost to a part timer? Where will Jericho go from here now that he can’t claim he’s the Best in the World? Where will Triple H go now that he can’t beat ‘Taker? Raw tonight is going to be fun. Sometimes I hate pro wrestling because it’s so stupid and cheesy. Other times I love it for the same reasons. Last night was a perfect mixture of over-the-top campiness and serious wrestling, and I enjoyed it very much.

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WrestleMania 28 Predictions.

April 1, 2012 by Leave a comment

The Granddaddy of 'em All

WrestleMania 28 emanates from Miami’s Sun Life Stadium tonight, and it should be one helluva good time. I’ll be back later with a full rundown of everything that happened, even though maybe 3 of you care. For now, here are my down-and-dirty predictions for the evening:

- Pre-Show: WWE Tag Team Championship Triple Threat — Primo & Epico (c) vs. The Usos vs. Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd

This is a pretty cool move by the WWE. Previously, the Tag Team Champs weren’t scheduled to compete, but now they’ll go on in what used to be a dark match. WWE is promoting their YouTube channel by giving away this match for free before ‘Mania starts. A pretty great strategy, from a promotion standpoint. Kidd & Gabriel are apparently a new team, so I doubt they’ll win the straps. I’d like The Usos to go over and finally become champs because, who really cares about the Tag Division anymore? I dig the Usos because they wouldn’t really make it as singles competitors, and nowadays every Tag Team gets split up so they can have a singles run. I don’t like that. I grew up with Tag Teams like The New Age Outlaws, Harlem Heat, and the Hart Foundation. Now Tag Teams are basically two random singles guys thrown together.

Prediction: Primo & Epico retain, go back to wrestling on Superstars and NXT.

- Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix & Eve

Ugh. No one cares. Kelly Kelly & Menounos win. Menounos 100% gets the pin, probably on Beth, which is fucking stupid.

Prediction: I use the bathroom during this match, and then make myself a sandwich.

- Randy Orton vs. Kane

This match is happening because they needed to get Orton on the show somehow. I do not care about this match in the slightest. I hope it goes on first, so we can just get it over with.

Prediction: Orton goes over clean in under 10 minutes.

- Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy

I love every wrestler on Team Johnny with the exception of David Otunga. I like him just fine, but I don’t love him like a lot of the IWC who only ever root for heels. Oh, wait, Jack Swagger. Um, yeah. I hate Swagger. He’s horrible. I love love love Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry, and wish Christian was healthy enough to compete. I really like Drew McIntyre, too. Team Teddy is the babyface team who is led by the funny guy holding your secondary title. Ugh. Teddy Long is fucking horrible at everything. Please go away.

Prediction: David Otunga pins Santino, Johnny takes over both Raw and SmackDown.

- Intercontinental Championship: Cody Rhodes (c) vs. The Big Show

They’ve been hitting us over the head with “Big Show fails at ‘Mania” and Show has never been Intercontinental Champion. I think he goes over clean against Rhodes, but drops the strap back to him at Extreme Rules next month. The feud continues as Show gives Rhodes the rub all summer. Cody Rhodes then wins the Royal Rumble and challenges whomever is World Heavyweight Champion (I’m guessing Randy Orton) at WrestleMania 29.

Prediction: Show wins, becomes new champ.

- World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus

I love Daniel Bryan’s character right now. It’s amazing. But Sheamus has been getting a super huge mega push, and winning the Royal Rumble is still a big deal. Sheamus goes over clean and is your new World Heavyweight Champion.

Prediction: Sheamus wins by pinfall, possibly due to accidental interference from Bryan’s girlfriend AJ, leaves Bryan and feuds with Orton all summer over the Big Gold Belt.

- Hell in a Cell: Undertaker vs. Triple H with Special Guest Referee Shawn Michaels

‘Taker wins in a long, boring match. Big spot, rest. Big spot, rest. Big spot, rest. Super kick, rest. Pedigree, kick out, rest. Tombstone, kick out, rest. Naps all around.

Prediction: Undertaker goes over because fuck Triple H. Or HBK interferes, Batista comes out to even the odds, and ‘Taker takes advantage.

- WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho

My favorite match on the card featuring two of my favorite wrestlers of all time. Jericho needs to win so the feud can continue. Jericho wins by nefarious means, falsely gets to claim he’s the “Best in the World”, setting up a rematch at Extreme Rules in Punk’s hometown of Chicago. Punk regains the WWE Championship next month to conclude filming of his new DVD.

Prediction: Jericho wins by cheating, but gets the belt nonetheless. Hopefully this match lasts upwards of 45 minutes.

- Rock vs. John Cena

I hate this match because, ugh, get it over with already. Cena probably wins, but fuck. Miami would just explode if Rock wins, but I don’t know how either can lose clean. Hopefully Brock Lesnar really did sign a one year deal with the WWE today and interferes.

Prediction: John Cena wins clean because the WWE is fucking gay.

Filed under Sports.

This is Why I Love Wrestling.

January 3, 2012 by Leave a comment

Everyone knew Chris Jericho would return, but they still went crazy. When he held his arms out like a reverse Jesus on the cross, everyone lost it. But when his music finally hit?

Holy balls. The place went absolutely bananas. And so did I. Kelly got mad because she was trying to sleep, and I was marking out hardcore, clapping and jumping up and down like I was 11-years-old.

As an aside, I love love love when they just hit his music intro. They used to do a stupid countdown, and then have an instrumental interlude before the “Break the walls doooooooooown…” lyrics were screamed over the speakers. Immediately starting with those words this time was brilliant. Jericho’s entrance music has been the same since his arrival in 1999. That’s by design. He has the best god damned entrance music ever.

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Words Cannot Express My Love For MQW.

October 2, 2011 by Leave a comment

 

Marquess Wilson, I love you in a possibly sexual way. Don’t ever change.

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The World Is Ending Very Soon.

September 29, 2011 by 1 Comment

My season.

Edit: I Googled “train wreck” and a picture of Amy Winehouse popped up. I shit you not. I laughed for a good 10 minutes.

Now, we all know the zombie apocalypse is coming. That much is definite. I mean, it’s just common knowledge. What we don’t know is when this catastrophe will take place. Some believe in December of 2012, others believe the release date of the inevitable Miley Cyrus sex tape. The end of the world, however, is coming much sooner than we all realize, and it’s because something beyond anything we can fathom happening actually happened:

I didn’t win my Fantasy Baseball league this year.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

For the first time in the history of the league, yours truly was not crowned league champ. I can blame it on injuries (and I do, oh do I ever blame it on injuries), but the truth of the matter is, everyone has to deal with injuries. Everyone gets lucky with a pickup or a late draft pick (thanks for keepin’ me close, Lance Berkman!). I managed the shit out of my team this year, and second is all I’ll have to show for it.

Hats off to Pat for finally bringing home that WWE Championship Belt. Pat has finished 2nd in baseball 3 times, 2nd in basketball twice, and second in football twice. He’s the dictionary definition of a bridesmaid. This year, Pat got engaged to his long-time girlfriend. Then he wins the championship finally? I see no coincidence, and can only shake my fist at the fantasy Gods as I, too, have recently made it official with my long-time girlfriend.

So, whatever I guess. I have to act like a gentleman and like this doesn’t bother me, but I won’t be able to sleep for the next year. I WANT MY GOD DAMNED SPINNER BELT BACK, PAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Fuck you, Chase Utley, for being too good not to holdover, but taking longer to come back from injury and then sucking. Fuck you, Ryan Zimmerman, for hitting all of 12 home runs this year and also being hurt. Fuck you, Joe Mauer, for being a fucking dick and getting hurt when I drafted you instead of going with my gut and waiting for Brian McCann (who Pat drafted). Fuck you, Mike Stanton, for having one awesome month, and a bunch of shitty months. Fuck you, David Price, for not anchoring my pitching staff like I had hoped you would.

A special fuck you to Pat’s entire team, who went bananas this year. Most notably though, a HUGE fuck you to Curtis Granderson, who wound up being the 2nd best player in our league. Also, fuck you Alex Gordon, for killing it out of nowhere with 3B eligibility.

I fucking hate everyone and I fucking hate everything. You may all be thinking “Good for Pat, he took down a giant. He was a team — a man — of destiny. He trumped the Dynasty.” To that I say FUCK YOU. Winning once is nice. But me? I’ve won FIVE TIMES. It’s like a fucking drug, and I NEED that title. I NEED to be the champion. I NEED to talk shit to Don. Although, come to think of it, his team was horrible again, so I can still talk shit. BUT I NEED THAT TITLE LIKE CASEY ANTHONY‘S KID NEEDED A BABYSITTER.

Sigh. Until next year, fuck you all, fuck fantasy sports, and fuck baseball.

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An Open Letter to the WWE.

June 20, 2011 by 4 Comments

Rapper, Actor, Wrestler?

Dear World Wrestling Entertainment:

I have been a fan of your product since you were the World Wrestling Federation. Many a days, I hit my younger brother with a Stone Cold Stunner, or made my little sister cry by putting her in the Sharpshooter. I have many fond memories that involve you, and I’m glad you exist. I’m not asking you to go back to your “Attitude Era” in the late ’90s where Stone Cold was giving everyone the bird and swearing was more prevalent. I’m fine with the current era of your business.

What I’m not fine with, however, is the way you treat your fans.

By absolutely refusing to have your top guys lose cleanly (hell, lose at all), you take away any surprise, any unpredictability, any drama. When John Cena faces someone like R-Truth for the WWE Championship, everyone knows that Cena will win. What’s worse, is he wins the same way every single time. 90% of the match, Cena will take punishment from his opponent. Then, once the “Go Cena” chants start, he’ll Hulk-up, hit two Shoulder Blocks, a Fisherman’s Suplex, a Twisting Back-Drop-to-a-Powerbomb, and then the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.

Side note, do you guys realize that one of Cena’s signature moves is a euphemism for masturbation? Like, for reals? The 5 Knuckle Shuffle? Not only is it super dumb (oh noes, a fist drop!) it’s a term used for pleasuring one’s self. I digress.

After Cena hits his Masturbation Fist Drop, he’ll point to the crowd and hit the Attitude Adjustment.

I’ve literally described every single John Cena match in history.

I don’t actually have a problem with Cena. He’s lame, but he busts his ass and has respect for the history of wrestling. He’s also not like other top guys who refuse to accept losing. He’s all about the business, and he helps put guys like Zack Ryder over. I have a real problem with the WWE writers, who make Cena into Superman, but since they’re nameless and faceless behind the scenes guys, I have to take out my anger on Cena. It’s what a lot of people do, and the reason you hear “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants simultaneously on Raw.

I don’t have a problem with Cena or Randy Orton being WWE Champion and World Heavyweight Champion, respectively. My problem is your insistence to never have them lose, ever, WWE. CM Punk is one of your best guys, and he and Orton’s feud was fantastic. However, Orton never lost to Punk. How can you have a rivalry where one guy wins every single time?

You need to introduce the element of surprise. Pushing R-Truth was a legit surprise, and even though I hated it at first, I like that it’s someone new and interestingly crazy. However, if you let Truth beat Cena, that would have shocked everyone. That would have been a legit surprise. That would have made for an interesting storyline. John Cena doesn’t need the title to be your biggest superstar. Without the title, R-Truth goes back to being largely irrelevant and insane.

You had The Miz, who was your Champion at Wrestlemania, lose to Alex Riley. That was legitimately surprising, and it completes the rub for A-Ry. You had Dolph Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston for the US Title, which was also somewhat (although not completely) surprising. You had Evan Bourne cleanly beat Jack Swagger, which is hilarious and it’s obvious Swagger pissed someone off backstage.

But what you didn’t do was complete the job. You allowed both Orton and Cena to keep their titles, and their inability to ever lose makes their characters grow old and stale. Spice things up by having them not only lose, but lose cleanly. When you only have them lose by someone else cheating or extenuating circumstances, it devalues the other performer. I understand you didn’t want Cena to say “I Quit” vs. Miz, but 30+ minutes of Riley and Miz beating the hell out of Cena, and then Cena hits three moves and Miz quits? C’mon. That’s ridiculous.

The reason you’ve always been better than other companies like WCW was your ability to move past ego and do what’s best for the storyline. WCW couldn’t get out of its own way, and that led to its ultimate demise. Now that you really have zero competition (because, really, TNA fucking sucks) you don’t really care about if you’re putting out a good product or not.

Get out of your own way, WWE. Get over your egos. Make this product what it could be, not what you want it to be.

Filed under Sports.

Moneyball is Going to be Awesome.

June 16, 2011 by 2 Comments

There’s a zero percent chance this movie sucks. Michael Lewis’ Moneyball was already a fantastic read, and Lewis also wrote The Blind Side (which I totes loved, as did America). I love baseball, and I love looking at undervalued assets. The one misconception people have about Billy Beane is that he only uses sabermetrics and thinks scouts are dumb. Neither are true. Scouts are valuable, but relying solely on eyes to evaluate talent is flawed. He combined traditional scouting with statistics to help find players that would work in his system. Also, Beane didn’t really use sabermetrics; he just focused on On-Base Percentage, which led to runs, which led to wins. While the market was focusing on RBI and HomeRun guys, he focused on guys drawing walks and getting on base.

It’s less about being smarter than people by using advanced statistics, and more about being financially thrifty and focusing on assets that were tremendously undervalued (like how defense has been pretty underrated lately).

Brad Pitt is Beane, and it’s pretty perfect. My one qualm is that Jonah Hill is playing a fictional character who is based on Paul DePodesta. They make faux DePo fat, awkward, and super nerdy. That’s not the case in real life, but what would Hollywood be without its over-the-top stereotypes!

For realsies, though, this movie is going to be fantastic. September 23rd.

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Some Nicknames Suck, Others Don’t.

May 18, 2011 by Leave a comment

Really?

Attempting to watch the NBA Playoffs is painful because it reminds me of better days. Days when Seattle still had a franchise, I was still young and optimistic, and sports had less crappy nicknames.

This was going to be a long post about how lazy the media has become with doling out nicknames to players based on their initials and first syllable of their last name, but I’m pretty lazy myself, so I’ll just go with bullet points and commentary chock full of mockery.

  • The Glove is awesome. The Glove is original. The Glove had meaning. The Glove is one of the most underrated nicknames in history.
  • Black Mamba is terrible. So, he’s named after a super poisonous snake that basically no one has heard of? Why? Because he can strike quickly? Can’t all snakes strike quickly? I mean, except for Garter Snakes. Those things are like the Rasho Nesterovic of the reptile world. But seriously, Black Mamba? I mean, I get it. Kobe is black. Black Mamba. African Americans are black! ZOMG WE’RE SO CLEVER!
  • When Alex Rodriguez was first dubbed “ARod”, it was actually pretty clever. It rolled off the tongue. Now every single athlete ever has a nickname consisting of the first letter of their first name and the first syllable of their last name. Does Richard Jefferson really need to go by RJeff? I think my all time favorite is Kenyon Martin. Yeah, let’s shorten our name to a department store who filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy! Weeee!
  • I love Chris Paul, so I’ll forgive him CP3 (mainly because it actually sounds ok). When everyone’s least favorite member of the Big Two and a Half was still in Toronto, a lot of online basketball sites and magazines (I’m looking at you, SLAM) dubbed him “CB4″. You’re so original and ingenious! You took his initials, added his jersey number to it, and voila! NEW NICKNAME! Not to mention people will get the reference to the awesome movie with Chris Rock from ’93. Then they’ll think you’re even smarter. I see you, SLAM Magazine.
  • I’m fine with calling LeBron “King”, but if you call him LBJ I want to stab your children in the eyes with rusty nails.
  • While we’re at it, Tim Duncan’s “The Big Fundamental” might be the worst non initial/syllable nickname ever. It basically says “OMG I’M SO BORING BUT HEY, AT LEAST MY TECHNIQUE IS OK”
  • Franklin Gutierrez: “Death to Flying Things”. So, so underrated. Thanks, Dave. We miss you.
  • Walter Payton: “Sweetness”. Might be the best nickname ever.
  • Willie Mays: “The Say Hey Kid.” Original, somewhat corny, but will undoubtedly stand the test of time.
  • I was going to make fun of Shaq for his 5,000 nicknames, but let’s be real here. I love Shaq.
  • Underrated Sonics Player Nickname: Sam Perkins. “Big Smooth.”
  • George Gervin. “The Iceman.” That’s pretty sick.
  • In the “so-terrible-it’s-actually-awesome” department, Tony Kukoc, “The Croatian Sensation”.
  • I can’t, in good conscious, do a nickname post without mentioning Rod Smart. HE HATE ME.
  • Randy Johnson gets bonus points for “Big Unit” also being his penis’ nickname.
  • I may be in the vast minority here, but I’ve always hated Karl Malone. Therefore, “The Mailman” nickname can suck it. Also, they called him that because “he delivered.” I guess this only applied to his regular season career. Are the playoffs then Sundays?
  • Also, “Franchise” was pretty clever for Steve Francis, but I hated Steve Francis. So this nickname can go to hell, too.
  • I know everyone hated him, but I’m rather fond of Stephon Marbury’s “Starbury” moniker. It just confirms that he’s a huge douche. But a self aware douche.
  • Not yet sure how I feel about “Durantula”. I kinda like it, but I kinda hate it. If he were still a Sonic I’m sure I’d love the shit out of it.

I had no real plan going into this post. Pointless, not well written, and mildly humorous. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET WHEN L.A. NOIRE JUST CAME OUT AND I NEVER BLOG ANYMORE.

I totally left off some great nicknames (Sugar Shane, The Reign Man, etc) but I basically wanted to say that I hate Kobe’s nickname, and I think other nicknames suck. So you’ll only get this crappy thrown together post, and you’ll like it.

Now I’ll retreat back to my video game chair and play another 40 straight hours of Xbox.

Filed under Sports.

Why Trading Ichiro Makes No Sense At All.

April 20, 2011 by 4 Comments

More than "just a singles hitter".

Lately, there’s been a bunch of buzz about whether now is the time to trade Seattle Mariner’s superstar RF Ichiro Suzuki. If you’re one of the people who believe now is the time to move him, you’re completely mistaken.

First, let me say that this is a pointless argument because if we wound up with a better player, than I’d be all for it. We wouldn’t end up with a better player, though, because there just aren’t that many players better than Ichiro.

If you think we should trade him because of his salary (he makes ~$34 million total the next two seasons), then you’re dumb. The Mariners are owned by Nintendo, and are in no way hurting financially. If we were the Kansas City Royals or the Tampa Bay Rays, then I’d understand the salary dump argument. It simply does not apply here.

If you think we should trade him because we can take his salary and spread it around, then you’re dumb. Having three players that are worth 1.67 WAR each is not the same as having one player worth 5 WAR. When you have a finite number of roster spots, one player worth 5 wins by himself is far and away more valuable than three guys who add up to that total. Also, in free agency, the value of player per win comes out to roughly 4.5 million dollars. So, let’s say Player A is worth 2 wins and Player B is worth 3 wins. If we wanted to grab both of them with this money we’re giving to Ichiro, we’d have to conservatively estimate Player A would get a contract worth at least 9 million dollars a year, with Player B getting 13.5 per year. Simple math tells us that this, in fact, is actually more than Ichiro makes (22.5 instead of 18). So rather than take that and spread it around, you’ve really weakened your team and cost yourself more money.

This all assumes that you pay fair market value, which is not always the case.

If you think we should trade him because of his declining skills, then you’re dumb. Ichiro turned 37 last October, and while 37 isn’t the ideal age of one of your two best players, Ichiro’s skills (fielding, hitting for contact, base running) decline extremely well. Skills like power decrease extremely quickly (see Richie Sexson or any other big power bat that strikes out a ton). Ichiro also keeps himself in better shape at age 37 than most 25-year-olds. So to be honest, age is not an issue either.

For more clarification on his non-declining skills, his WAR the last 5 years has been 5.5, 5.5, 4.0, 5.0, and 4.8. Those numbers are pretty insane for someone who most people write off as just a singles hitter. A WAR of 5 isn’t just ok, a WAR of 5 is upper tier. To be worth 5 wins every year isn’t some nice little accomplishment, it’s Hall of Fame type stuff.

If you think we should trade him because he has value and our team isn’t good, then you’re dumb. Despite everything I’ve stated above, he really has no value on the trade market. Skills that do quite well on the trade market (pitching, youth, power) are all things that don’t apply to Ichiro.

So in theory, trading Ichiro makes almost no sense at all. Now, if someone were to blow you away with an offer (they wouldn’t), then I’d seriously consider moving him. However, since that simply won’t happen, thinking about trading Ichiro is a waste of everyone’s time. He’s one of the best players that has ever played for Seattle, and his ability to get on base is better than almost anyone else in baseball. Trading him during another losing season because you think we need to “move on” literally makes no sense, and everyone around you should throw things at you for even suggesting something so dumb.

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Congrats, Mikey.

April 13, 2011 by 1 Comment

For the second year in a row, Mikey has beaten me in a close race for the title of WORLD CHAMPION OF FANTASY BASKETBALL. Now, I still think I have amazing holdovers in Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, and Russell Westbrook, but when Mikey has Blake Griffin, it doesn’t really matter who is on my team.

I also blame Chris Bosh for sucking so, so much. I hate you, and didn’t want you, but you were too good not to take in the 5th round. I would love to blame injuries again, but the truth is, everyone has someone important get hurt. So instead, I’ll be a man about it and say:

Michael D’Angelo was the better manager. Michael D’Angelo had the better team. Michael D’Angelo is the Champion.

Not winning sucks. Coming in second place sucks even more (I’d honestly just rather get blown out of the water so I can stop paying attention. But noooo, it had to be super close and come down to the last three or four days). Not winning while coming in second to Mikey, a man famous for kicking the ceiling, sucks more than anything.

Well, almost anything. At least I’ve never finished below Don.

Congrats, Mikey. You deserve kudos. Going back-to-back is hard.

I LOST TO THIS GUY?

 

Filed under Sports.

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