MOVIE REVIEW: Warrior.

January 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

I’ve had this in my Drafts folder for a few weeks now, but I’m just now getting around to finishing it. Get off my back, alright? Sheesh. The life of a blogger is tough. Plus there’s no natural sunlight here in the confines of my mom’s basement.

I was trying to write some lengthy, well thought out review. I quickly gave up. I don’t know how to write a ton about movies without giving away key plot points and revealing spoilers. So instead, I’ll keep my reviews short and to the point. Here goes …

If I were a “movie critic” quote whore, like say, Pete Hammond, I might call this movie “Superb, intense, moving” or “Packs a powerful punch of emotion” or “Spellbinding, grips you and never lets go”. But alas, I am not one of those people whose quotes end up on the preview or cover art. I’m just a simple dude. A simple, handsome dude.

Warrior is a movie which centers around the sport of Mixed Martial Arts, but, much like Moneyball, uses it as a backdrop to tell a different story altogether. Two estranged brothers each enter an MMA tournament whose prize is $5 million dollars. Each needs the money for different reasons, and you want both to win. Nick Nolte, in his first real role in as long as I can remember, is fantastic as the former alcoholic father to both Tommy and Brendan. Tommy, played by Tom Hardy, is a giant ball of rage. He hates his father, he hates his brother, he hates the world. He has a lot of anger, and MMA seems to be the perfect outlet. Brendan, played expertly by Joel Edgerton, is a high school physics teacher. He is a former UFC fighter, but retired due to multiple factors, including fatherhood. Brendan gets suspended from his teaching position by the school’s superintendent for taking part in a small MMA fight. With almost no money coming into the house, Brendan decides to return to the cage and make some money fighting.

Throughout all of this, we learn both Tommy and Brendan have a terrible upbringing, and each have issues with how their father behaved. Warrior felt very much like last year’s The Fighter, and I absolutely loved that movie, too. Dark, gritty, emotional, and fantastically acted. (How’s that for a quote, Pete?)

Rent, Buy, or Avoid:

Buy. 100x buy.

Overall rating:

9 out of 10.

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Hollywood: The Good, The Bad, & The Kristen Stewart.

November 11, 2011 by 3 Comments

Lawyer'd.

At this point, you know the drill. I should be studying, but I am a terrible student. Instead, I bring you news of cinematic films before they get released into theaters. I mean, if you didn’t read my blog, how would you ever get the inside scoop on anything? I have so many god damned connections.

  • Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington are doing a movie about a former CIA agent who went rogue (Washington) in South Africa called Safe House. It looks pretty fucking awesome.
  • For some reason, there are two different, non-related Snow White movies coming out next year. The first is called Mirror, Mirror and it stars The Blind Side‘s Lily Collins and Julia Roberts as the Queen (for reals?). This is the traditional up-beat lovey dovey fantasy fairy tale. The other is called Snow White & the Huntsman, and it’s supposed to be dark and gritty. The only problem? Kristen Stewart is playing Snow White, and apparently she’s in full armor with a sword? God dammit, Hollywood. Stop trying to make her happen. She’s gross. Thor Chris Hemsworth is playing the Huntsman, but they’re making him a sort of good guy? What? Isn’t the Huntsman supposed to be a villain? I thought he was the Queen’s right-hand-man-who-also-doubles-as-a-sex-slave? I guess not. Thanks for ruining everything, Bella.
  • Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are going to star in an action/comedy called This Means War. When I first heard about it, it sounded dumb. Then I saw the trailer. Now I really, really want to see it. Both are total dreamboats (don’t lie, you thought so too) and how Reese Witherspoon isn’t a leading lady in more movies is beyond me. Extremely underrated in the looks department, and a pretty damn good actress to boot.
  • The Rock is pretty much my favorite person ever. He was amazeballs in Fast Five (you simply cannot disagree with me on that), and he’s in the midst of making GI Joe 2. While I think that movie will suck, I’ll still see it anyway because, hey, Rock. I quasi enjoyed the remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth because it was cheesy and I like fantasy stories like that, but oh man is Brendan Fraser awful. In Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, Dwyane Johnson takes over for Fraser as he, along with the returning Josh Hutcherson, look for Atlantis. Michael Caine plays his weird grandfather, but Michael Caine is awesome. Also, Vanessa Hudgens is in this, but I’m not sure if she’s sexting or not. (Relevant jokes!)
  • So, they’re making Taken 2. Normally, I’d be all over this shit, because Liam Neeson was so fucking fantastic in Taken, and it just kicked all sorts of ass. However, the plot of the sequel will have Neeson and former wife Famke Janssen (who, yeah, hot) as the ones who are kidnapped, and his daughter’s boyfriend is the one to save them. It’s certainly different and interesting, I’ll give them that. Perhaps this will be after Neeson helps talk him through stuff? I dunno. I have a hard time picturing Neeson tied up for 2 hours waiting to be saved by the guy finger blasting his daughter. I’ve been wrong before, though.
  • They want to make a “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?” movie. And they want to cast Jennifer fucking Lopez as Carmen Sandiego. Welp, at least the world is ending in 2012.
  • There’s a movie in production being called Lawless. Horrible Xena related title aside, it’s set in the 1930s, and stars Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, and Cate Blanchett. Um, yes please. I love tommy guns and fedoras.
  • ZOMG THEY’RE MAKING AN ASSASSIN’S CREED MOVIE!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
  • They’re remaking Robocop, and it’s going to be an origin story. Somewhere, Jack Bauer shoots a man’s wife in the leg.
  • I wish I were joking, but I’m not: they’re making a Where’s Waldo? movie. YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE, HOLLYWOOD.
  • I’ll end with some happy news. There are two, count ‘em two Linda Lovelace movies currently in production. The one that is probably going to get more hype is starring Amanda Seyfried. If you don’t know who Lovelace is, Google “Deep Throat porn movie”. Yep. The infamous adult film about not having a fucking gag reflex is being made into two actual Hollywood movies. The other should star Malin Ackerman. All I know is if there’s a movie centered around a broad who gives BJs for a living, I’m there. Hopefully this movie … *sunglasses* … doesn’t suck. (Dodges tomatoes, makes farting noises with armpits, runs off stage)

Gratuitous boobs.

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Random Movie Rambling.

June 30, 2011 by 5 Comments

NOT RELATED TO THE BLOG POST!

No that picture has nothing to do with anything, but it makes me chuckle.

I figure, man, I never blog anymore. It’s kind of pathetic, really. At least Hilson isn’t churning out three posts per day like he used to. That makes me feel slightly better.

Anyways, let’s get on to the movie goings ons that interest me therefore should interest you. Bullet points!

  • Everyone’s favorite insane director, Quentin Tarantino, is making a new movie called Django Unchained. Apparently, it’s plot is about a freed slave named Django (played by Jamie Foxx) who teams up with a German bounty hunter (played by Tarantino favorite and Academy Award winning badass Christoph Waltz) to find and kill a slave owner (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) and his evil sidekick (played by Samuel L. Jackson) who apparently kidnapped Django’s wife. Writing that was kind of exhausting, but I feel like this movie cannot fail. Leonardo DiCaprio in anything is going to succeed, but Leonardo teamed up with Tarantino? As a bad guy? AS A SLAVE OWNER?! This is basically going to blow everyone’s minds. Christoph Waltz is excellent, as you’ll remember him from Inglorious Basterds as the Nazi that hunted Jews. I don’t like Sam Jackson, but he’s surrounded by so much talent that I don’t really care. Foxx is a pretty good actor that hasn’t done anything super dramatic in a while (aside from the failed attempt in The Soloist), so for him to play a character opposite Leo can only mean good things. This movie is going to be fantastic.
  • James Cameron is in the middle of writing the scripts for Avatar 2 and Avatar 3. He’s shooting them back to back, much like Peter Jackson did with Lord of the Rings. Also like Jackson, Cameron is insisting that 2 and 3 are not sequels, rather, they’re completing the story arc. They’re more continuations than another stand alone movie. It certainly worked for LOTR, as you can’t really talk about one being better than the other (ok, Two Towers was my fave, Return of the King was way too long and fake ended like a bajillion times). We’ll see how this goes, as Avatar 2 is slated for a December 2012 release with the 3rd and final installment the following year. The only problem I have with all of this is, if it’s not a sequel, why are you calling it Avatar 2? Give it some cool name like “Return to Pandora” or “This Time, You’ll See the Na’vi Having Sex”. You know, something intriguing and exciting. Also of note, Cameron reportedly asked for over a billion dollars to make these movies. The insane part isn’t asking for a billion; the insane part is he probably got it.
  • One of my favorite books ever, World War Z, is finally becoming a movie. I was like, totes excited when I heard it got green-lit. I was even more so when Brad Pitt was starring. Then I found out that the studio basically bought the rights to the name, and the movie will have very little to do with the book. Dammit. I mean, I’m still gonna watch it, but the book was perfect.
  • They’re making another Indiana Jones movie. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • They’re making a sequel to G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. They’re making a sequel and letting the guy who directed the Justin Bieber movie direct it. The only thing that can possibly save this movie is if you cast someone like The Rock in it. Oh… you cast The Rock as one of your leads? Hm. Well, this is kind of awkward. Ok, I’m in. I guess. Yay Rock!
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a KR.com favorite. So when the trailer for his new movie 50/50 came out, I was pretty excited. JGL plays a dude who is diagnosed with cancer and given a 50% chance of living. His BFF for this flick is everyone’s favorite chubby comedian, Seth Rogen. This looks like it could be a good dramedy, or it could fall flat on its face because it doesn’t know which direction to go in. Either way, I’ll see it because man, do I love me some JGL. And that’s in a totally non homosexual way. (I think.)
  • Tom Hardy will be playing Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. You already knew that. What you didn’t know, is what he’ll look like. Here’s a glimpse:

  • Remember Spy vs. Spy from Mad Magazine? Yeah. They’re turning it into a movie. WHY? HOW? SERIOUSLY WHY? Hollywood is so dumb.
  • The new remake of Footloose looks like a mash-up of Twilight and Step Up. This is not a good thing. I refuse to post the trailer here. If you’re a glutton for punishment, go find it your god damned self.
  • Finally, I’ll leave you with this. Tom Cruise sucks, but Tom Cruise has actually made a few movies that didn’t completely suck. Sure they were made before Katie Holmes was born, but still. I actually really liked the first Mission: Impossible. Cruise didn’t suck. Mission: Impossible 2 was alright, but it wasn’t terrible or great. I never saw Mission: Impossible 3. So when I got word they were doing another one, I was largely skeptical. But, this one would feature Jeremy Renner. So, hey, it’s got that goin’ for it. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol just released its first trailer and wow. It looks pretty damn fantastic. I was legit shocked by this.

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